Psychologists say your first kiss is more powerful than your first sexual encounter. That’s because for women, it signifies the start of a relationship, and for men, it signifies the start of the first sexual encounter.
Borders plans to close 30% of its stores. Tea party officials, not very big readers, said this is a good start, but they won’t rest until all the borders are closed.
It’s being reported that Lindsy Lohan is being charged with felony grand theft. News to the news, you are no longer reporting on a famous actress, you are just following around a crackhead.
Rocker Slash is going to sell guitars and a car in an auction for charity. He’s donating lots of things he hasn’t needed since the 80’s like ceramic skulls, model dinosaurs, and Axel Rose.
Long standing Jeopardy winner Ken Jennings went up against an IBM supercomputer and lost. The tension was so high Ken said it wasn’t since the Sports Illustrated swimsuit premier that he’d sweat that much in front of a computer.
A mother made her teenage son stand on a corner with a sign that read “GPA 1.22…honk if I need an education. Three weeks later the mother stood on the corner wearing a judge-ordered sign that read, “Honk if you think a mom a mom who can get her kid to stand on a corner for four hours should be able to get him to do some homework.”
Lady gaga rode into the Oscars in a giant egg. Parents told their children, “that is your brain,” When Lady Gaga stepped out, they said “that is your brain on drugs.”
A study shows that men who start to go bald at 20 may be more likely to develop prostate cancer in later life. It’s official, bald guys, God hates you.
Space Shuttle Discovery astronauts will be taking their first space walk today. They’ll enter the cold, dark, unforgiving abyss of space, or as Bill Clinton calls it, Hillary’s side of the bed.
Caltech basketball ended its run of 310 consecutive loses. The team was so used to being beaten that friends tried to set them up with Charlie Sheen.
Many New Yorkers complain the MTA is not investing in mass transit in the outer boroughs. In defense the MTA president said Manhattan service required larger investments in order to keep it clean so residents don’t dirty the silver spoons in their mouths.
At a London ice cream shop the best selling flavor is “Breast Milk.” Body fluids, is this what we’re coming to? It was so popular they’re completely sold out of breast milk but fortunately they still have other flavors available like Armpit Funk and Ass Sweat.
- Their slogan is, “Breast Milk Ice Cream, it’s like a Disney movie, both father and son enjoy it, but for very different reasons.”
- It’s become clear that if you add the word for a female body part to something with little or no value, it’s going to sell which is why director M. Night Shyamalan is calling his next movie “Boob.”
The Oxford English Dictionary has added the word “buttload.” It is defined as a large amount of something as in, Oxford adds stupid words to its dictionaries in hopes of selling buttloads.
Kelsey Grammer’s bride arrived to their wedding in a white bathrobe. That’s practical, he’s on his fourth wife, you’re going to start the wedding right where it’s going to end, in the crapper.
Bacteria that causes Legionnaires’ disease was found at the Playboy mansion. Hugh was obviously upset, a deadly bacteria formed in the early days of the earth, and still he’s the oldest thing in the house.
- But he was relieved to hear it was bacteria that made 200 people ill and not as he originally thought, a slip of his bathrobe.
Last night Christina Aguilera was arrested for public intoxication. Police said among the group of musicians disturbing the public she was easy to spot because she was the only one who didn’t know the lyrics.
McDonalds launched Mcweddings in Hong Kong. For a buck more you can supersize it and add a honeymoon at the DMV.
- There’s no alcohol allowed, but not to worry, if you eat enough burgers, everything will start to spin and you’ll throw up.
- KFC, eager to get in on the market, now advertises to Chinese Muslims a special children’s after-circumcision-ritual party where they offer crispy, extra crispy, and for the boy, skinless.
And finally it wouldn’t be complete without everyone’s favorite dictator…
When asked if he would step down, Libyan leader Gadhafi said, “My people love me. They would die for me.” Then his translator whispered in his ear and he said, “Excuse me, my people would love for me to die.”
Tags: Borders, Breast Milk, Caltech Basketball, Hugh Heffner, Ice Cream, Kelsey Grammer, Ken Jennings, Lady Gaga, Lindsy Lohan, Oxford, Slash, Watson
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