News Chunks
Written by coryjarvis on January 30, 2011 – 6:12 pm -Jan.2011
Studies show the new Nintendo Wii 3-D will damage your eyes. So it turns out Mom was right, playing with your Wii will actually make you go blind.
Student protesters attacked a car carrying Prince Charles and Camilla. The Prince later made a public apology and promised to roll up the windows next time he played the Spice Girls.
The President of FIFA says gay fans shouldn’t have sex during the 2022 world cup in Qatar. When in doubt just follow the rules of the game and keep your hands off the ball.
A possible ice volcano was spied on a giant Saturn moon. The astronomer who discovered it named it Bob after her husband because every evening it spews out gas and ruins the atmosphere.
Tron, a movie about a man trapped in a video game, topped the box office this weekend. Spoiler alert – He gets out the video game the only way a man can, by getting a girlfriend.
-The CG was amazing, but a lot of viewers had trouble suspending their disbelief, I mean if it takes place in the internet, why does everyone have their clothes on?
Disney is being sued by a woman who claims Donald Duck groped her. Donald claims she knew what she was doing when she entered fantasy land.
Scientists say walking faster will extend your life span. Unless of course you’re blind, then it dramatically decreases your life span.
Protesters at the annual Carnival festivities in Brazil are angry over gay-only toilets. The city started it as part of their “don’t ask, don’t smell campaign.”
“Jersey Shore” star Snooki is writing a book. Critics say with her drinking she’d be just like Hemmingway if it weren’t for her writing.
President Obama told visiting Chinese Premier Hu Jintao, “Let us sell you stuff.”
-Obama then unrolled a blanket covered with copies of Chinese DVDs.
-The premier said he’d love to buy American products but he doesn’t buy anything made in China.
A stolen daughter found her Mom 23 years later. Her Mom said she never stopped thinking about her…except for the night she went home and left her alone in the hospital to be kidnapped.
An adopted woman searching for her biological family found out her sister is Oprah. It’s like loving bad movies and finding out your brother is Nicolas Cage.
The Jersey Shore plans to film its fifth season in Italy. To get a buzz started the show has been airing on Italian TV with its translated title, (heavy Italian accent) “Le Douche Bagas.”
According to a new study men would forgive their female partners infidelity, as long as it is with another woman. And as long as they spend an hour or so slowly going over exactly what happened. ”I’m so hurt by this, baby, I wont feel better until I know every detail.”
In order to save money the Girl Scouts said they’ll eliminate cookie flavors in some areas of the country. President Obama called for restraint so we don’t see a repeat of incidents that followed the thin mint cancellations in Tunisia and Egypt.
Glenn Beck was offended that super bowl players did not have their hands over their hearts during the national anthem. Ben Roethlisberger said he didn’t want to do anything before the game that reminded him of testifying.
German Police arrested a drunk owl. Maybe some jail time will teach him to give a hoot.
…and for my hentai friends in Japan:
The US urged Japan to upgrade its defense to meet the threat of China’s new stealth fighter. In response Japan’s military is currently working with its porn industry to create a pixelated missile.
Tags: Ben Roethlisberger, Cory Jarvis, Glenn Beck, hentai, infidelity, Japan, Jersey Shore, Nintendo Wii, Obama, Super Bowl, Tron
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